My mom has a problem with calling my pets by the gender-appropriate pronouns. I can completely understand where she’s coming from. No one in their right mind would assume my cat is actually a male. He moves so gracefully, bathes himself regularly and pays absolutely no attention to the rest of us.

Have you ever heard of a “crazy cat man” or “woman’s best friend”? I didn’t think so. Our minds automatically connect cats with females and dogs with males.

For starters, dogs care nothing about what they look like. In fact, they roll in strange smelling substances for fun. The stereotypical guy is pretty much the same; roll out of bed and come to school. Cats, on the other hand, take the time to wash themselves almost constantly, a lot like girls, who spend an hour in front of the mirror, primping.

A smart dog does what he’s told; a smart cat is strong and independent. Same goes for humans. Boys should listen to their mothers, sisters, girlfriends, and wives and follow whatever instructions are given. If women want to move forward in life, they must claw and scratch each other until they’re the only one left standing.

Plus, cats are just graceful creatures. They move silently and silkily, twitching their tails ever so slightly (which is not all that different than a girl casually flipping her hair over her shoulder). Dogs, however, just look like big, happy lugs without a care in the world. The way the bound toward you, you can almost see the smile on their sappy faces.

Dogs can be really loud. I have woken up on many a Saturday morning to Buddy barking his head off at some scary old man who might pull a gun out of his suit coat at any time. Cats only let you know when they are extremely unhappy (hiss), or thrilled (purr), the rest of the time, they’re relatively quiet. Dogs always have a squirrel to howl at and a long-lost-friend-they-never-really-knew to greet.

Yes, this is being very stereotypical, and there are some boys who can stay silent for more than 10 minutes and girls who can’t keep their mouth shut. However, the connections help me discern my mother’s inability to call call Peri, the poor cat, by his correct gender.

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