Doors are one of the more under-appreciated items present in our daily lives. What was one of the first things that you did this morning? Opened your door. You wouldn’t have been able to do that without the existence of doors.

Doors were most likely invented by the ancient Egyptians, as evidence supports. Paintings of these doors are present in Egyptian tombs, though none of the doors still exist as they were, like the majority of modern doors, made of wood. The oldest intact direct evidence of a door, that is, a door itself, is a 5000 year old door found buried in ice and thus preserved in Switzerland.

Once again, we must learn from the ancients, and realize the importance and greatness of doors. Doors are a centerpiece in the works of Homer, detailed prose describing the silver and brass cased doors of his culture. The Sumerians even had gods of individual doors, though this may be because they had individual gods for absolutely everything. Who is to say that they were wrong and doors do not exhibit sentience and wield supernatural powers? By Pascal’s Wager, it is safest to assume that their gods are correct, as nothing is gained from denying them and all is gained in eternal salvation by trusting in these ancient deities. Would the ancients mislead us so by placing their faith in doors? There is a reason.

Without doors, imagine getting out of your house. One would have to crawl out a window, chimney, or some other uncomfortably designed egress. If one instead opted to solve the problem by simply removing the door without removing the door jam, the heating costs and drafts would be outrageous.

The only explanation for why doors mayn’t hold a higher place in our culture is a highly effective campaign by anti-door lobbyists, i.e. bead curtain companies. A most effective piece of this is the eventual association between glass doors and running into glass doors. Look around. This is all over the media. This is a “gag” that has been done at least once by practically every TV show. Coincidence? Maybe.

We need to stop this ignorance toward doors and the glorious Sumerian gods that may or mayn’t inhabit them. This has gone on too long.