“I think that’s stupid because you don’t need pizza to live,” freshman William Halling says.”

For the pizza to be “nutritionally healthy” it needs one eighth of a cup of tomato sauce on it. Last time I checked the school lunch pizza had a tablespoon of tomato sauce. Okay, that’s not correct but seriously, that’s not one eighth of a cup. What do they want, for our pizza to be drowning in tomato sauce?

“The only part of the pizza that is a vegetable is the tomato, and we consider tomatoes a fruit,” freshman Aspen Hoak says.

Huh, I forgot about that. So we should really be calling the tomato sauce a serving of fruit! That makes total sense.

True, there is also vegetable pizza but we all know that most school lunches come in a dehydrated, repackaged form and all the lunch ladies have to do is rip open that box, heat it up, and out it goes. Also, vegetables take up about 30% of the entire pizza, but we all know that given a choice of pepperoni pizza or vegetable pizza, most of us will choose pepperoni.

Congress actually proposed this bill in January, but it wasn’t passed because the House of Representatives didn’t approve so it was sent back. But miraculously they have convinced the House and President Obama that fatty, greasy pizza is a big step for our generation, even though First Lady Michelle Obama set up a very ambitious program that specifically focuses on ending children obesity. During an interview, Obama said, ”President Obama also plans to reauthorize the Child Nutrition Act, and is proposing a $10 billion budget increase – $1 billion a year for 10 years – to help provide nutritious school lunches to those who qualify.”

Well, now I’m just confused.

Does anyone remember when President Ronald Reagen purposed to make ketchup and the lovely pickle relish a vegetable? Except the public was completely outraged and that plan was dropped.

But it is all good, right? The one-eighth cup of tomato paste will give us 10% of our daily intake of vitamin A, and 12% of our daily intake of vitamin C.

So please kids, eat your pizza so you can grow up to be fat and pimply. Because if you don’t, you won’t get any dessert.