Facebook. What would the modern teenager do without it? It helps us procrastinate on homework, talk to our friends, and waste countless hours of our lives. We love you so, Facebook. But there are certain people on Facebook who annoy the heck out of us.

Here are my top ten Facebook pet peeves. If you do any of these, please stop. You will help make Facebook a better place.

1. Duck faces: You know that face girls make when they’re about to take that perfect picture of themselves for the internet? You know, the one where they push out their mouth in a weird sort of kissy-face to make it look like they have a super defined jawline, pouty lips, and model-quality cheekbones? That’s called a duck face, and, newsflash, you look stupid. Like a stupid duck. Like a stupid melting duck.

2. Status updates. All the time: People, please. Facebook is not Twitter. I don’t need you blowing up my news feed with your status updates. Frankly, I don’t care that the bran muffin you are eating is the most scrumptious thing you have ever tasted, or that your cat just rolled over. And if you have a ten-page paper due tomorrow morning that you haven’t started yet, maybe you should log off of Facebook and get crackin’.

3. Constant profile picture changes: When you are changing your profile picture more often than your underwear, it’s time to reevaluate your life.

4. Bathroom mirror pictures: Thanks for letting us see your nasty toothpaste-covered bathroom mirror and sink cluttered with crud. Oh, and is that a roll of toilet paper I see in the back? Classy.

5. The shmoopy love birds: They love to shout their undying love to one another, resulting in plenty of shmaltzy declarations of how perfect they are for each other, how beautiful the other is, how much they miss each other, etc. It’s disgusting. Get a room. Better yet, get off Facebook.

6. Liking your own status: It’s like giving yourself a high-five– sad and borderline pathetic.

7. When people make up dumb names: I’m pretty sure that you mother did not name you, “Babiiface Shesofine Smith” or “Gorgeouss Honeyy Dipppx”. If you want to do that, go back to MySpace. If she did actually name you that, I apologize.

8. When people don’t use words (their, there, they’re; your, you’re; two, to, too) correctly: Learn. To. Spell. There is a reason you go to school. I cannot begin to tell you how much it bugs me when someone writes, “Are you going to there party two?”. What? No, rewind and freeze. It’s, “Are you going to their party too?”. So much can be misinterpreted if you misspell stuff like this.

9. Ppl who tak liyk dis: iss  hrd 2 undrstnd thngs whn u dnt use vwles n ur wrdz. && Wh0 h@z d@ t1em t0 RitE Lik Di$$??

10. Random friend requests: Dude. Sir. Mr. Creepy Man. I don’t know you, and we have exactly zero mutual friends. I have rejected your request ten times. Kiss off and find somebody else to creep on.