I used to consider myself the queen of time management. My assignments for school were always finished with time to spare, and I never had to stop and consider whether or not I had to give up the things I loved doing for an extra hour of studying or essay-writing. I made it through junior year two weeks ahead in all of my classes—it was a miracle. Everyone I knew convinced me that if I could make it through junior year, senior year would be a breeze. I genuinely didn’t believe in senioritis.

I was mistaken.

The ease with which I thought senior year would pass me by was entirely a myth. The classes aren’t any less difficult, the workload is only somewhat smaller, and the emotional toll is far greater. Everything feels like it’s crumbling… and I don’t really care.

Yes, the wonderful thing about being bogged down by senioritis—I don’t care about anything anymore. AP exams are expensive and none of the elite colleges I’ve applied to will even accept my scores? No exams for me! All of my grades are slowly sliding down the drain, reaching record lows for my high GPA? None of this is going to matter in three months anyway! I’ve fallen into a depression and anxiety pit due to the sheer number of tasks I’ve left undone? Oh, well, this is my life now! No matter what soul-crushing assignment or bout of bad news I’ve been given, senioritis stops me from feeling any particular way about it at all.

I’ve managed to scrape by first semester through my own sheer will—and ridiculous amounts of coffee—but second semester hit hard. As a senior, you spend half of your time dreaming about what life after high school will be like, and the other half of your time hoping that day never comes. College and the future just seem like things that aren’t real or tangible, even during the college application process. First semester all feels like one big preparation for a colossal event happening far in the future. Once second semester rolls around, the college acceptances start coming, scholarship essays need to be turned in and everything feels much more real than it ever has before. The future is happening.

This is when senioritis clubs you on the back of the head. Suddenly, all the work you’ve done for the past twelve years is paying off, and whatever happens to you now is just meant to happen—you no longer have to try, because the payoff is coming your way regardless. Going to school doesn’t feel like a priority over sleep anymore. Memorizing equations and studying for tests feels pointless when you’re about to enter the next chapter of your education.

But this fun little addition to the last year of high school is not without cause. Senioritis is the product of a system that has programmed us to memorize and test and study until we physically can’t anymore. We are burning out before we even get to college; anxiety and depression mark some of the most memorable parts of our high school experience; some of us don’t even make it to graduation.

As students, we let ourselves slide through the cracks because the last run of high school doesn’t feel like it has any meaning. We’re being forced to become adults while still being treated like children, and it’s difficult to take your last months of secondary education seriously when everyday tasks just feel like busy work. I don’t want to focus on graphic organizers and study guides when I have to decide on my future before my eighteenth birthday.

So please, treat your seniors with care, because you’ll be just like us eventually. Senior year is unsure and strange and full of a lot of decisions that no one really feels qualified to make yet. We have no clue what we’re doing.