As Martin Luther King said, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.” This past week, that narrative of progress has taken leaps forward: Mark Herring, Attorney General of our dear Virginia, has declared the state’s ban on gay marriage unconstitutional, meaning that Virginia will be the first state of the old confederacy to achieve marriage equality; Disney Channel introduced the first ever same sex couple ever on its children’s show Good Luck Charlie; Finally, the Grammys brought tears to the eyes of millions as it broadcasted Queen Latifah presiding over 33 couples weddings, most of whom were same sex couples, while Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performed their equality anthem “Same Love.”

Not everyone is receptive of these aforementioned moves to progress, however. Much of the conservative, evangelical, and otherwise homophobic world had a bone to pick with these signs of change. Some like Todd Starnes went as far as to describe the Grammy event as a “horrible display of intolerance, bigotry and hatred.” One of my peers on Twitter clarified that “there is a difference between being a homophobe and not supporting gay rights.” She was not the only one, as plenty of others clarified that their disgust of this grand display of love is simply another opinion to be tolerated.

But is it?

Marriage ceremonies at the Grammys on Sunday

As progress marches forward and discrimination becomes socially and ethically unacceptable, conservatives are, instead of changing, scurrying to find new ways to justify or hide their antiquated beliefs. One of the new tactics is this weirdly hypocritical and illogical “tolerance is a two way street” argument. Its strategic potential is evident; as they realize it’s not enough to say slurs or condemn homosexuals as sinners a la WBC, they have turned to new means of advocating hate without the hate. Now, instead of them looking like the hateful bigots, we are the hateful bigots. This process of victimization is symptomatic of all bigotry, an internalized response as the bullies realize they are no longer in power or the majority, which allows them to defer apology or change.

There is a stark difference between tolerating other identities and tolerating intolerance and discrimination. I don’t have a problem with heterosexuals, I have a problem with the belief that LGBT people are lesser and deserve less rights. That is an opinion, while being LGBT is a matter of one’s identity. It doesn’t matter who says that, it’s really messed up. I respect beliefs, but if your belief is either that a) LGBT are unethical and ought not exist or b) LGBT people do not deserve civil rights, then your beliefs condone forms of anti-LGBT violence and discrimination, which is unacceptable. Your opinion might also be that schools ought to be segregated, or that women ought not to be able to vote, but those beliefs are exclusionary and should definitely not be public policy.

If your religious beliefs are that LGBT people are evil (which seems eerily anti-Christian), that’s fine (to an extent, you know, besides that that is really messed up), but there is zero justification to make that government policy. In a nation where the constitution prevents an established state religion and protects the people from religion, you can’t legitimately argue that overruling marriage bans based on religious beliefs is an “attack on your religion.” Your religion had no place being imposed on other people to begin with.

I hesitate to use the word ‘homophobic’ sometimes because I know that some people will argue that they can not support the rights of LGBT people without hating them. Either way, such belief is heterosexist (privileging one sexuality over another), which is an unethical form of discrimination. Not supporting the rights of LGBT people is akin to saying they shouldn’t exist and deserve to be second class citizens, which is exclusionary and leads to internalized forms of homophobia that lead to violence against LGBT people.

If we are calling you a racist, sexist, heterosexist, or a bigot, it’s not because we are ‘intolerant’ of you, it’s because your beliefs are irrationally intolerant, lead to discrimination, and justify violence. The belief that “homosexual sinners should be put to death” is not a neutral opinion. Likewise, “LGBT people don’t deserve equal rights” is only a thinly veiled form of that violent antagonism.

I do not and probably never will understand how people can hate other people, but I especially do not understand how these bigots can really believe that they are being discriminated against because we are saying they can’t discriminate. Let me explain this to you: Everyday, LGBT people have to be afraid about who knows that they are LGBT, whether or not they have legal protection, can love who they love, have family that will reject them, friends who will accept them, and people that will kill them for who they are.

The worst thing that these straight, Christian conservatives have to fear is their hatred of LGBT of people going out of style and no longer being legal, that the government will no longer exclude those who are different, that it will be ok for people to be as equal as you.

Does that seem unfair?