Over the weekend, I was siting next to one of my best friends. We had been having a pretty awesome game of would-you-rather and it was my turn to come up with a situation. While she waited for me, she started humming Amazing Grace. Three bars in, I turned to her, my face dark with hate and whispered as if possessed “I hate that song.” I have always hated that song. It awakens a deep, dark, hatred in me and I don’t know why. However, I think I can pinpoint a few reasons.

First off, I don’t like how it’s used. If something sad happens on TV, this song kicks in. If someone dies and we are supposed to feel sad, this is the soundtrack. How stupid. If something is sad, shouldn’t we feel sad with out some heavy handed symbolic music? In a script, if your sad moment doesn’t make your reader feel sad, you are a bad writer. If you are an actor and you can’t convey sadness in a way that makes your audience emote, you are a bad actor. If you are a director and you can’t orchestrate a sad moment with out Amazing Grace, you are a bad director. Improve your craft. Don’t rely on some bloody song.

Another annoying thing is the history. Not many people know this, but Amazing Grace was written by a reformed slave trader. He was a “wretch” but “was found.” Okay. Listen, I appreciate forgiveness and second chances. It’s a very nice thing, but really? When you think about it, one slave trader selling one person into inescapable bondage has horrible consequences for generations of the slave’s family. So keep that in mind when this is being sung by a gospel choir during a funeral. That’s a really awkward place put a song about being redeemed after a life of human trafficking.

I don’t like the way it is sung, I don’t like the way it is overused and I don’t like to see pictures of sad SPCA animals while this song plays in the background.But worst of all is this:

[Super Sarcastic Mode] My name is embedded in the title! How dare they!! Yes, I am Amazing, but this song is not.[End Super Sarcastic Mode]

I guess we all have our pet peeves, some more idiosyncratic than others. We all have things that bring us comfort, some more cliche and overwrought than others.

All I know is if this is played in my funeral, I will jump out of the coffin and straight up dropkick whoever let this happen.