Outstanding athleticism, a near photographic memory, extraordinary social skills. These are all nice things to have, but let’s be honest, they won’t get you nearly as far in life as having the ability to select the perfect christmas tree. When in search of a tree, there are many things people tend to overlook: the battle between you and the rival tree hunter, knowledge of the different tree species, the strength and endurance needed to cover the vast area that may contain the tree of your dreams.

If you can’t tell, I’m fairly passionate about tree pickin’ and am basically a pro at it.

Now I know you’re all eager to get to cutting (assuming none of you are the lame-os that buy the pre-cut trees from gas stations), but first we must decide where we want to find our tree. The possibilities are endless, whether you live in the mountains or plains. Let’s settle on the nice tree farm setting; you can cut your own tree, but you don’t have to search for hours in the woods for it!

Most farms will have the trees sectioned off depending on species, so it’s all the easier if you know what you’re looking for. You have the concolor fir, with blue-green needles that have a strong scent of orange, and the white pine, with needles twice as long and flimsier than most trees. These are just two of the countless types of christmas trees. But how do we decide which specie to pick?? Excellent question. Think long term. Have bare feet been a common sight around your past trees? Young children who may have a bad time with the sharp needles? If the answer is yes, then the concolor fir may not be the tree for you, with it’s small, stiff and pointy needles that may cause problem. Also, you can think about your ornaments. Does your collection primarily consist of sentimental, odd looking, preschooler-made clay sculptures such as ours? If so, then the white pine is the wrong decision, as it’s needles are just too thin, you run the risk of breaking a valued ornament.

Alright, so we’ve decided on the white pine, my personal favorite. Don’t let the numerous rows of greenery intimidate you, once you get into it you’ll be eliminating trees from contention left and right. A common mistake that even I am guilty of is trying to buy a tree too large for the room it will be placed in. Keep in mind, however, that if there is a tree that seems to have a special connection to you, but is too tall, you can always chop off some bottom branches as well as a chunk of the trunk. Aside from height, its width, thickness and health could also be factors in choosing the tree; similar to the height, you don’t want one that is too wide for the room, and we don’t want to see straight through it either. As for it’s thickness, you could strategically place a tree that may be overflowing with needles on one side but horribly lacking on the other in a corner, so no one will see the ugly side. Genius, I know. When my family goes to buy a tree, we’ll narrow it down to two or three, usually each picked out by a sibling. We repeatedly examine each tree to see if it is up to our standards, and, after heated debate, we agree on one. It’s quite the process.

When we begin the cutting process, we have multiple methods to choose from to get it done. At most tree farms the employees will offer their help in cutting it down with a chainsaw. However, I believe the hand saw is the most fun way to do things. I probably don’t need to go into much detail on how to cut down a tree, as it’s all mostly common sense and physics. Unlike cutting other trees, though, the final cut must be straight and flat, as a tilted tree just won’t do.

Now we can enter the final stage in selecting the perfect tree. It’s fairly simple, we just hand the tree to the employees who then use a funky machine to shake off all the dead needles before wrapping it in netting. We do want to come home with the tree after all, so make sure you tie it down nice and tight to the car before taking off. But before you leave, look around for some nice homemade wreaths to hang on your door, most farms have them.

When you arrive home, you can set up the tree (don’t forget the water!), maybe throw on a string of lights or two, and sit down with a cup of hot chocolate and admire the beautiful thing you picked out and created.